Archive for the tag “generations”

Tears of all

Today the loss of my father now gone five years slammed into me. It’s the insult of an unexpected burn or a pinched finger in the door. I’m left empty and angry at the pain.

As I age, I find there is less and less that moves me to highs or lows. Offenses that once brought immediate reaction and judgment have little effect. I absorb their assault as being more about someone else or something else outside of me. And the highs from a good movie, a get together, a beautiful gift that one day not so long ago overwhelmed my senses are warmly appraised but are processed in a more shallow, less complex place.

Deaths and births, small individual actions and the beauty of nature however pull strongly at me, shocking me as they evoke immediate and unexpected response. Responses that I cannot control. I cry with abandon at small flower or a child skipping and I am at the mercy of whatever it is inside of me that I seem not to own.

Next month a new grandchild will pull me into the unique beauty of a birth. Every birth is a fingerprint—never to be copied or confused with any other birth. I will wonder at this beginning as if I have never experienced another child entering this world. I know he’s coming, I will probably there as he takes his first breath yet the volcano of emotion will again slam into my heart.  Caught up in the purest connection of all life as one—my father to me, me to my son and now my grandson—I will stop breathing as I wait for his first breath and then tears will flow that belong less to me than to the world of joy and suffering.

susan_bioSusan Cain McCarty

 

When I Grow Up I Want to Be Wise

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I asked my 8-year old granddaughter, Sofia, what she thought “wise” meant. Her response: An older person who is smart and makes good decisions. I guess I would say that at age 8 she is wiser than most of us.

I then began to wonder if we aren’t wise at a young age and for some, again in older years. In between, we are deeply focused on gaining experiences, power, possessions and love, creating a false sense of wisdom.

Why “false”? Because true wisdom as Sofia tells us is not only being smart (“experience” smart, not intellectually smart) but also “making good decisions.” Believing that life experiences and success alone leads to wisdom is not a good decision.

The wise elders I’ve known have had a broad range of life experiences—some held powerful positions and were wealthy but most were of lesser means. Some were religious and others more spiritual. What they have in common is a believe in another power because they know that we can’t get through this life alone and the ability to incorporate life experiences at a “soul” level—a place where we can listen, see and “be” without all the layers of judgment that we learn throughout our life.

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Why is wisdom easier in youngest and oldest years? In younger years we haven’t yet incorporated all the taught and lived family and social biases, prejudices and expectations of power and possessions that become the basis for how we view ourselves and others. In older years, as losses accumulate, we realize any success or power or position is fleeting. At that time, the wise elders focus on incorporating all that was good and “not so good” in their past, realizing that all that has happened has made them who they are today and that even in oldest old years we continue to learn, to change, to wake up to a new opportunity to improve and focus on what truly matters in life.

However, choosing a path towards wisdom doesn’t come to everyone. Many become bitter as they view the past as “the best time” or as a time when they made too many mistakes. Meanwhile they exist in a present filled with loneliness and losses—loss of independence, of friends and family, of power and possessions. They may see this as a loss of self and as a time when their God has forgotten them.

Living beyond such tremendous losses and into wisdom that frees us from the weight of a judgmental, power-seeking life is a spiritual journey requiring tremendous faith and forgiveness of self and of others regardless of the injustices we may have experienced. Until we see ourselves as one with all others—those we knew and those we didn’t and one with the universe and with God, wisdom will be elusive.

Finally, wisdom and peace is also about accepting that we aren’t traveling alone. God—whomever that is to each of us—is not only at the center of this journey but is next to us holding our hand, above us watching over each step and beneath us holding us up when we are certain we can’t endure another loss.

Susan

 

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